Don't bring dates home until you feel the relationship is worthwhile. If you think back to when you were first dating in your teens and twenties, you probably didn't bring every boy home to meet your parents, and in this case, you don't want every man to meet your kids.
Show your children a picture of the man you are dating before they meet him. This way they can get to know what he looks like first, which will take away one aspect of the mystery and might increase their comfort level when they meet him.
Plan for the first visit to be fairly brief - an afternoon or an evening, as opposed to a weekend together.
Don't bring your gentleman into your usual routine. If you always go out for pizza on Sunday nights, don't choose that as the time to bring your date along. Children take comfort in the rituals of daily life and are more likely to look at your date as an intruder if you insert him into this regular family activity. Instead, do something together on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.
Ask your man not to bring his children along the first time he meets your kids. This way your kids can get to know the man by himself and judge how they feel about him. He should talk about his kids, however, and show their pictures to your kids.
Talk to your kids about how you feel. "I really like this man, Michael, and I want you to meet him. He is a good friend to me. I also want you to know that even though Michael is a wonderful person, he will never be who your Dad was. Your Dad was a very special person and Michael is a different special person."
Ask your date not to make his first encounter with your children a big deal - no gifts, no grand gestures that seem as if he is trying to "buy" their love. Kids see through this immediately and it makes them nervous.
Avoid having your man meet your kids on an important holiday like Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Holidays are emotionally loaded times and therefore, don't present the right opportunity for introducing a new person.
Try not to scold your child if he/she acts out at the first get together. Instead, have a conversation about it later. Try to get your child to talk about his/her feelings. "I think I understand why meeting Tim made you feel so upset but I'm not really sure I know how you feel. Do you want to tell me about it?"
Don't rushing things. If the first meeting goes well, set another one for a few weeks later. If it doesn't go well, do the same. Remember, relationships take time to develop.
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